Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
