Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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