WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
