Pappa wants mamma naked
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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