He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
