Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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