I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize