People with herpes should wear stickers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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