Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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