I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
