he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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