i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
