All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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