how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
