When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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