If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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