and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
