So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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