No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
