You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
