I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
