She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
