i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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