I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize