I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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