oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
