so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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