i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize