Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
