Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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