she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
