You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize