last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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