Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
