You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
