im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
