Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
