i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
