Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
