You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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