I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
