Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
