We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
