I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
