Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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