I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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