i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
