:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
