Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
