ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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