His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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