As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize