OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
