I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
