it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just google imaged poop.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
