Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
