i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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