Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh god the rape fog is back!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
