so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
