you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
