im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
