i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
