I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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