we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize